The tortoise and the hair

Last month I told you all about my laser hair removal appointment. After reviewing the results of having had my left arm pit lasered for a few weeks I decided to take the plunge and get lasered.

I am visiting The Laser Beautique in Rosebank and my therapist is Phumeza. We are using the ‘Soprano’ pain free laser machine and I am having my torso, thighs and buttocks treated. As reported previously the procedure really is pain free. She put the machine up to its maximum ‘first timer’ setting and I felt a little warmth and some light prickling (especially on the more sensitive parts like the inner thighs), but no more. The machine can go higher but she was anxious of pushing too hard too soon.

Before starting the treatment you need to strip off and lie down on a table with just a towel to preserve your dignity. The therapist then takes a piece of acetate and a very light makeup pencil. She uses the acetate to divide your body into a grid. This ensures that no area is under or over treated ensuring safety and economy. I was slightly afraid that I would look like a piece of grilled meat, but after segmenting me, she applied the laser gel. Wow! It was cold. This gel cools the skin and (I think) gives the laser a better medium than air to move through. This gel is scraped off as each region is completed and she then gives you a thorough wipe down with a paper towel. This removed all the makeup pencil marks.

I am no prude but, being something of a beauty therapy novice, I found lying on the treatment table, stark naked something of a novel experience. One is seldom stark naked when having a procedure done and this was unusual for me. Fortunately Phumeza is a real wiz with two towels and by cleverly draping them here and there she made sure that my modesty was mostly intact. I was on my back most of the time as this is the most comfortable position to be in. When it came time to roll over she simply lifted on towel and gave me a nice wall of fabric to hide behind whilst I repositioned myself. I was most impressed.

One funny thing happened whilst she was doing my thighs. She started with my left thigh and asked me to lift my knee up to give her a better angle. She asked me if I wanted a pillow ‘to support’ my leg. I felt fine so I declined the offer. After a little while she started working on my inner thigh and after a few strokes of the machine she said ‘I am going to need you to support yourself’. I took this to mean she needed me to hold my knee up higher as that was the context in which she had used the words ‘support’ before. I was wrong. She said ‘no, not there’ and picked up my hand with hers and deposited it gently but firmly over my ‘bits’ saying ‘there’. It could have been an embarassing moment, but it was not as she handled  it with aplomb.

The procedure took just under two hours as I needed a large surface area to be done. It was far from unpleasant (the least fun part is surely the cold gel that they use), but the loud beeping of the machines warning system was rather noisy. I understand that you need a means of telling the therapist and anyone outside the room that the laser is on and that no one should come in without eye protection, but it really is loud and distracting.

On completion she gave me some ‘blue cream’ to apply to the regions she had treated. This is amazing stuff. It is a very bright blue cream and it is an anti bacterial and anti inflammatory cream so it stops the skin form reacting badly to the laser. I have seen pictures of people with large, inflamed, red and angry patches of skin after a laser treatment. I had no such issues and I think the cream helped. I bought a tub of my own to take home with me and applied it to the treated bits twice a day for 4 days. I also used it  to treat some ingrown hairs I had developed as a result of shaving the bits adjacent to the areas I am treating and it worked like a bomb on those. It wasn’t cheap but it is certainly effective! It leaves your skin feeling wonderfully soft and smooth. I think I may have to get some more when it finally runs out.

I have booked and paid for a full course of treatment so I have eight sessions booked and my next one is in five weeks time (I go every six weeks). I was very happy with the results after just one session. The hair seems to be growing back slower and already some patches of hair free zones seem to be emerging. The results are however at this early stage variable. Some areas have responded quicker/better than others and this is to be expected. I will keep you all informed of progress!

For those of you confused by the title, the tortoise is hair free and after some time eventually won the race. Slowly slowly catchy… Hopefully this guy


will soon be a thing of the past!

About the post

beauty treatments, crossdressing, femininity, transgender


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  1. Very enlightening. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  2. A great read. I can very much relate to being flat out, naked on a treatment couch having hair attended to. I can also relate to the ‘gibbon’ or ‘ape’ description as that is very much how I see myself inbetween waxing sessions.

    I learn all the time how the type and resistance levels of hair is across the body, chest being the most god-damn stubborn but everywhere else is less so. Sometimes I feel the battle is being won and sometimes I do not!

    It sounds like you’re well on the way to finding something that works for you, as did I when I first stumbled across the place I use for a periodic full body wax.

    That blue cream sounds fascinating stuff, especially on ingrowing hairs. I had quite a battle with one of those little blighters this week and my body is still recovering!

    Good luck with the forthcoming sessions! I look forward to reading about your progress.

    Liked by 1 person

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