My wife and children have gone to visit family for a week, so I am free to express myself as I wish for a few days with very few constraints (apart from having to go to work). I therefore took full advantage of this opportunity over the weekend.
On Saturday morning I prepared myself by having a nice long bath, a good hair removal session and then I did my makeup and got dressed. When we were in Disneyland Paris in June, I bought myself a ‘Frozen’ top with a picture of Elsa on it because it was cute and I wanted a memento. I have not had a chance to wear it and as the weather was so hot I decided this was the ideal chance. I paired it with the trusty denim skirt and sandals. On reflection the faded denim may not have been the best choice as it does not offer enough contrast with the green-blue of the top but it wasn’t a total disaster, or was it? (Please excuse the picture quality, but as I was alone I had to use my camera’s self timer function and a tripod. Quality was definitely not as good as it could have been.)
I had a few errands to run at the local shopping mall so I decided to combine that with a shopping expedition. After borrowing my wife’s bikini and having gained some confidence I was interested in seeing what was on offer and my wife had told me that she had seen some nice ones at the mall. So off I went.
I arrived at the mall without incident and decided to get the chores done first. My wife needed mascara and we also needed a clipper for our dog’s nails, so I went to the pharmacy first.
Please bear with me as I go off piste for a bit. I am always uncomfortable transacting in cash as I believe it makes you a prime target for pick pockets and muggers. I therefore prefer using credit or debit cards (with a strong preference to debit cards). Unfortunately, all my cards have ‘MR’ blatantly printed on them and the receipt generated also has ‘MR’ printed on it when the transaction is processed. I tried getting my bank to change this and remove the title completely but they were unable to comply. Fortunately, after complaining on Twitter (as one does) a competitor bank contacted me and said it could be done.
Thus began the credit card application process that was surprisingly easy. After about a week I was told my card was ready for collection. When I collected it I saw that they had successfully removed the ‘MR’ from the card but had also dropped my ‘D’ initial which was annoying but not the end of the world. I signed for the card, replaced the PIN and asked if anything else needed to be done to activate the card. I was told all was good and it was ready to go. I loaded some cash into the card to give it a small credit balance (I loathe paying interest) and was excited to use the card at my next outing.
Back to Saturday’s events now. Having selected the mascara and found a pet clipper I went to pay for my purchases. I handed over the card, entered my PIN and was promptly told that the card was declined! I had cash but realised that if I paid cash and then could not get the card working I would not have money for parking and with a non functioning card I would be stranded. I therefore left the stuff behind made my apologies and went to the ATM. Here it showed that I had a credit balance but no available credit limit. Odd. I raced home to try and sort out the card. Sadly by the time I reached home the credit card service’s helpline was closed until Monday. I retrieved my usual cards (with the offending ‘MR’) and went back to the mall. I managed to find the same mascara and clippers and paid for them. I was not impressed! It seems the card needed to be activated when I collected it and this was not done.
Having got the mascara and clipper I set about ‘Mission Bikini’. It is mid summer and the stores are already getting winter stock in so the bikini stocks are low to say the least. I found a few possibilities but ultimately decided not to get one as I was finding it hard to justify the cost given that I would probably get to wear it no more than twice a season.
Whilst looking at the bikinis I also looked at shoes (you always have to look at the shoes) and at the tops as well. I saw a lovely bright pink sports bra/sports vest that would have been ideal to run in. I was looking through the various sizes and found one in my exact size. I was seriously tempted to get it, especially as it was only R75 ($5) but then I decided that I would probably never wear it so I decided to leave it and I left the shop. I walked out and briskly walked towards the other end of the shopping centre where the next set of stores I wanted to visit were. After a minute or two I looked down at my hand and saw a bright pink sports bra/sports vest in my hand. I had literally just walked out of the shop with it without paying!
I was terrified. I had just inadvertently shop lifted and I was not happy. I had visions of store detectives and police tailing me. Was I about to be arrested? Would I be spending the night in prison? I quickly turned around and raced back to the store I walked straight up to the security guard and apologised saying I had walked out with the item by mistake. She seemed rather confused, if not bemused, so I quickly dropped it on her table and walked away as fast as I could. Fortunately no police or other security personnel emerged and I remain blissfully ignorant of the insides of a South African jail cell. Top tip girls: do not get so involved in the moment of shopping crossdressed that you forget to put down the stuff you do not want to buy!
I went on to a few other stores but did not see anything I liked here either. Interestingly at one of the stores I walked right past a little girl (aged about seven), her brother and her father. She clearly saw that something was ‘wrong’ with me. She was fascinated and kept looking at me. She must have been trying to figure me out. But she was polite and did not say anything. I just smiled in a nonthreatening way and moved on as quickly as I could. Further evidence that kids are scary.
I was now getting hungry so I went to Amuse Cafe for a late lunch (or was it an early dinner). Whilst at Amuse I decided that I was actually too tired to be out late but I was also not ready to go home for the night either, so I decided to do something I have wanted to do for a long time, I went to see a movie en femme. First I had to race home to feed the pets (which I did) and I fixed my face as best I could (hot days are not great for makeup). I then went back to the local mall (three times in one day, really?).
Movies seem to be going through something of a depression. There is very little worth watching, so I decided to see what all the hype was about and watched Star Wars. To say I was disappointed is an understatement. It was rubbish. A very disappointing movie indeed. However I still had fun though and I was not going to let a bad movie or a frustrating credit card company ruin my day. As I came out if the mall I saw the most amazingly beautiful sky I have seen for a long time, which ended the day off beautifully.
I snapped the picture, returned to my car and drove home where I promptly washed up and fell into bed exhausted.