Some personal stuff shared

In 2011 I fell very ill and found myself in ICU a few times after emergency surgery. I had a number of visits to hospital and spent much of the year off work. It was a very difficult period for my family as well as for me personally. We got through it together, but it certainly changed us all. One of the things that changed was my body. I went from being fit and relatively athletic to sedentary and I put on a lot of weight. This weight gain was exacerbated by the medication I was put on. It also meant that I did not want to exercise anymore, my metabolism slowed and I put on more weight in an ever more vicious circle.

I tried very hard to change this negative pattern, I tried running, going to gym and picking up the sport that I used to do to a  high level, but I would inevitably have an ill health relapse and I would get knocked back again. Interestingly, I would find myself getting depressed and the cycle seemed to be never ending. Exercise was a chore and I was unhappy with the way I looked.

Then from mid 2014 onward I started to feel a bit better. The relapses got further apart and far milder in intensity and I was able to reduce the medication. Suddenly I started losing weight and enjoying exercise again. I started to get compliments on the way I looked and I felt better about myself, making me want to exercise more. Guess what I was able to lose more weight and I got healthier too meaning I accelerated the dosage reduction.

I am now on a tiny dose and I am doing more exercise and loving it. I am happier with virtually no depression sneaking in and I am enjoying life far more than I have in a long time. It is not perfect but it is a lot better.

Interestingly, in mid 2014 I summoned up the courage to tell my lovely wife about my dressing. She was anxious and surprised at first, but after a week or two she became very supportive and we now have a lot of fun together. We go shopping together, we go out together and we are really enjoying ourselves. I do not think that this is a coincidence. I think if I had not told her I would have been feeling guilty and depressed, my health would suffer and I would be on higher doses of medication with the accompanying weight gain and self esteem issues.

This is not to say that all crossdressers, transgendered people etc should rush out and ‘out’ themselves. Far from it. You need to be sure that you are ready and that you are ready for the consequences. You also need to be sure that your relationship is strong enough to withstand the pressure that this sort of declaration will put on it.

In my case it was (it seems) the best thing I could have done. It has made me healthier and nicer to be around. It has also brought my wife and I closer together.

It is also interesting to note how negativity breeds negativity. It is hard to break out of destructive cycles, but if you can do so, the rewards are manifold. Just as negativity breeds negativity, positive results bring about a positive attitude which in turn engenders yet more positive results. Isolation is certainly not a positive thing, so even if you cannot disclose your true self to those you love, I urge you to connect with understanding people.


Add yours →

  1. Without going into specifics on dates and times, I had surgery within the last three years for weight loss. I had the full Bariatric stomach bypass. I’ve since lost nearly 180 pounds.

    I’ve noticed my attitude has changed, my depression is lessened, my PTSD is lessened, I look forward to working on my first 5k and Mud Run/Zombie runs with my children. I go out of my way to walk more, take more stairs at work. It was a huge benefit to my dressing. Suddenly I wasn’t stuck wearing matronly outfits, I’m able to buy off the rack, wear prettier outfits, feel more feminine when dressed. This too helped my mental health, making me positive in a whole aspect manner.

    During one of my weight loss plateaus, I bought a bottom of the line FitBit monitor. I found that between it and my phone app, I was competing against myself. It gave me something demonstrable to hold myself against. I could look at my performance and see that I could do better, rather than relying on a biased self assessment metric. I liked it so much, my GF bought me an upgraded model this past Christmas. I now compete with my GF on distance at times. But it’s not a fix-all, it’s simply a nudge, which has to be seen and used in the right context.

    The surgery is sort of the same way. It is certainly not a fix all. I usually hesitate to mention I got it. People either relate the horror stories they’ve heard about those surgeries, or else they say or assume I “took the easy way.” I assure you, preparing for, having, and recovering from that surgery is no easy task. Anyone who tells you contrary, simply has no basis of experience. It’s changed my entire life, not simply what I eat, when I eat, or how much. But it’s the sort of tool I needed to effectively loose the weight that was slowly killing me, deadening the quality of my life, and holding me back.

    I’m a mere 29 pounds away from the topmost weight in the target range I set. (I set a target range, rather than a specific number so that I wouldn’t be discouraged if I didn’t quite make that number.)

    If anyone has questions about specifics on the surgery, I have no problem discussing it in private.

    Ever & Always,
    A much lighter Caden Lane

    Liked by 1 person

    • Wow… That is impressive. Surgery is NEVER an easy way out. It is painful, risky, scary and changes your life. Any kind of abdominal or thoracic surgery is VERY difficult to recover from as well. It is great that you and your GF work together. My wife and I have just started to do some exercise routines together in the evenings as well and it is easier than going it alone. Good luck and keep it up.


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