In 2011 I fell very ill and found myself in ICU a few times after emergency surgery. I had a number of visits to hospital and spent much of the year off work. It was a very difficult period for my family as well as for me personally. We got through it together, but it certainly changed us all. One of the things that changed was my body. I went from being fit and relatively athletic to sedentary and I put on a lot of weight. This weight gain was exacerbated by the medication I was put on. It also meant that I did not want to exercise anymore, my metabolism slowed and I put on more weight in an ever more vicious circle.
I tried very hard to change this negative pattern, I tried running, going to gym and picking up the sport that I used to do to a high level, but I would inevitably have an ill health relapse and I would get knocked back again. Interestingly, I would find myself getting depressed and the cycle seemed to be never ending. Exercise was a chore and I was unhappy with the way I looked.
Then from mid 2014 onward I started to feel a bit better. The relapses got further apart and far milder in intensity and I was able to reduce the medication. Suddenly I started losing weight and enjoying exercise again. I started to get compliments on the way I looked and I felt better about myself, making me want to exercise more. Guess what I was able to lose more weight and I got healthier too meaning I accelerated the dosage reduction.
I am now on a tiny dose and I am doing more exercise and loving it. I am happier with virtually no depression sneaking in and I am enjoying life far more than I have in a long time. It is not perfect but it is a lot better.
Interestingly, in mid 2014 I summoned up the courage to tell my lovely wife about my dressing. She was anxious and surprised at first, but after a week or two she became very supportive and we now have a lot of fun together. We go shopping together, we go out together and we are really enjoying ourselves. I do not think that this is a coincidence. I think if I had not told her I would have been feeling guilty and depressed, my health would suffer and I would be on higher doses of medication with the accompanying weight gain and self esteem issues.
This is not to say that all crossdressers, transgendered people etc should rush out and ‘out’ themselves. Far from it. You need to be sure that you are ready and that you are ready for the consequences. You also need to be sure that your relationship is strong enough to withstand the pressure that this sort of declaration will put on it.
In my case it was (it seems) the best thing I could have done. It has made me healthier and nicer to be around. It has also brought my wife and I closer together.
It is also interesting to note how negativity breeds negativity. It is hard to break out of destructive cycles, but if you can do so, the rewards are manifold. Just as negativity breeds negativity, positive results bring about a positive attitude which in turn engenders yet more positive results. Isolation is certainly not a positive thing, so even if you cannot disclose your true self to those you love, I urge you to connect with understanding people.